“Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way. You become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions.”- Aristotle

(Editors note: Todays guest post is by my buddie Eduard over at People Skills Decoded)

Knowing your personality can be one of the most valuable types of knowledge you possess. When you know you personality and it tendencies, you see your productivity, your confidence and your people skills advance. Which is probably part of the reason why, from paid personality assessments to coaching, there is a huge industry for helping you understand your personality.

If you do have the money, I encourage you to use these methods. They are worth it, as they can take your knowledge of your personality further and faster then you could otherwise. This being said, it’s important to realize that there are also many ways to know your personality which work very well and are also free. Here are the top 3 I encourage you to use:

1. Free online personality assessments. In the era of the Internet, although professional personality assessments are traditionally somewhat costly, you can also find many online free of charge. Not all assessments you will find free on the Internet are professional of course, some are created more for entertainment purposes, but some are actually very good and worth paying attention to. The trick is to search really well and get to those.

Do some Google research for free personality assessments, ask people on relevant forums or sites where you can find some, ask your friends who are into psychology or personal development. If you give it the right amount of dedication, I guarantee you that you’ll find some quality assessments online for free. Speaking of which, here is one such personality assessment which I often recommend, called Primary Color Assessment.

2. Getting 360 degrees feedback. One of the most effective ways to know your personality better which costs no money is to ask people who you know for feedback. Their opinions are not the truth, but if you combine enough subjective opinions others have about you and you add your own opinion, chances are you will get very close to the reality of how you are, plus how you project yourself socially.

This kind of feedback from people in different relationships with you (your boss, your colleagues, you friends etc.) is what’s known as a 360 degree feedback. Provided the people who give you feedback know you relatively well, they are honest and they give you feedback using a standard questionnaire or list of questions (which you can create by yourself), you will get some very valuable information.

3. Looking at the patterns. Let’s say you are a person who whenever has a conversation, hears a speech or tries to solve a problem, asks a lot of questions. This is a pattern: a recurring way of thinking or behaving. And each pattern you have is a reflection of certain personality traits you have. For example this pattern is probably an indication that besides being a bit annoying with all your questions, you are also analytical. You seek and you are good at understanding cause-effect relationships. I am good at this and believe me, it’s a trait worth having.

Patterns are the reason I recommend you to take a good look at yourself and notice your thinking, feelings and behaviors in various circumstances, to look for the patterns in them and to figure out the traits they reflect. It’s a priceless exercise of introspection, observation and analysis which very few people make us of.

These are the most effective methods I know for knowing yourself better without spending a dime. I’ve used them personally and I’ve also seen many of my clients use them with success. I encourage you to take each one of them and apply it. You will see your knowledge of your personality improve in a very meaningful way.

Eduard Ezeanu is a communication coach with an attitude-based approach. He helps others to improve people skills they find relevant and get top notch results. He also writes on his blog, People Skills Decoded.

Self Improvement Daily

“You can gain more control over your life, by paying closer attention to the little things” Emily Dickinson

In an age of information overload having selective ignorance has become increasingly important to have a sane life. Many of us spend too much time giving our attention to trivial things that are not improving the quality of our lives. We need to learn to not sweat the small stuff and focus on what’s important. Interestingly enough many of the small things we do daily can lead us to life changing decisions. The skill you have to develop is how to be aware of the small stuff that’s important and not worry about the trivial things.

If you really analyze your life you will see that it is our small behaviors that end up defining us and give others a peek into who we are as individuals. Everything that you ever achieved that you considered worthwhile started off in small steps. Learn to acknowledge and celebrate your daily victories. Over the long run they will yield substantial change and lead to the attainment of your desires.

Small Steps To Personal Development Daily:

1. Make Small Talk: Learn to be a socially friendly person who is genuinely interested in learning about others. Having the ability to strike up conversation anywhere and with anyone can  literally change your life overnight. You never know when small talk can lead to your next business partner, mentor, or even your next relationship. The more you learn to make small talk the more opportunities you give yourself to be unexpectedly surprised.

2. Appreciate the little things: I think that beauty lies in simplicity, learn to become aware and appreciate the little things. If you really pay attention you will see that the little things are what make all the difference. If your spouse has the habit of always leaving you a little love note in your lunch, make sure to acknowledge it. Let her know how much of a difference it makes in your day, your wife will really appreciate the feedback.

3. Take Baby Steps: Whenever you have a new goal or project in your life, take the small steps that will give you direction to the bigger decisions you will need to make to accomplish your goal. It can be as small as making a phone call, sending an email, buying a book, or requesting some information from a website.

4. Celebrate Small Victories: If you take action that puts you one step closer to your dream, celebrate it. Learn to acknowledge that everything you do is molding and shaping your ultimate destination, give your self credit for mini jobs well done.

5. Take Advantage of Small Opportunities: Opportunities present themselves everyday, learn to spot the small opportunities that can be conducive to your growth and can lead to bigger opportunities down the road. If a small local group invites you to speak to 20 of its members, gladly accept even if you feel it will not directly help you. This is a great opportunity to practice your speaking skills and meet some new people.

6. Learn In Small Chunks: Try everyday to learn something small but seek to understand it fully. Working on and perfecting small chunks of information will lead you to a better understanding of the whole. If photography is a new hobby of yours make it a goal to learn a new aspect of photography like using different types of lenses.

7. Keep an Idea Book: This is your companion for your thoughts, let this be the laboratory for all your ideas. Jot anything down, most will start off small and than you can work on developing them into something more tangible.

Just remember that small things really can make a big difference, you just have to make sure you are focusing on the ones that matter. Hope you enjoyed this short post on the power of the small actions we take. If you find my site valuable please pass it along to your friends and family.

If you enjoyed this post check out:

The Power Of No

One Day At a Time To a Life of Fulfillment Joy and Contribution

How To Be And Live Like Forrest Gump

How To Increase Your Awareness and Expand Your Consciousness

make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed for all the latest articles Subscribe in a reader

I would also love to hear your feedback, please leave your comments below. I really appreciate your support - Ivan

By my dear friend and CEO Coach Debra Benton

How do you ‘go on board’ when you’re already there?

When you get a new boss you are the unknown. Even though your job position hasn’t changed, you have to take the same action as if you are going on board a new position.

When nearly 10% loose their jobs the remaining 90% get shuffled around ending up with different reporting relationships.

Before you meet your new boss take some time and Monday morning quarterback the mistakes you made with your previous boss. Think about and write down what you should have done differently then plan to remedy past errors.

Provide positive support even if you feel you should have gotten the job. You didn’t. How you handle yourself at this standpoint might get you the job next time.

Welcome the person the same way you might a new neighbor. Invite to lunch or offer to bring sandwiches in to have time to talk and get to know each other

Ask and listen to learn how to best work together; don’t guess. Find out his or her first 30-90 day agenda; the most important issues or problems to solve. Here’s an occasion to ask basic, maybe even stupid-sounding questions. When one executive was asked, how do you prefer to communicate: face to face, telephone, email? He said, ‘I like yellow post-it notes left on my desk so when I return to my office I can scan them and see what I need to respond to.”

Make the impression you want your new boss to have of you. Show confidence in who you are and what you bring to the table. From the first time you meet ensure the message you send is the one you intend with your appearance, manner, and comportment. If you have self-doubt, the person will cut you off in a heartbeat. You’ll never really recover if you misstep here.

Tell your new boss about your job duties, responsibilities, your team, and scope of work as it fits in with the rest of the department/company. Seek out how he or she views changes in your role. (Don’t criticize your former boss.)

Delve into Google, Facebook, Linkedin, or other internet sources. People put information on themselves they want you to know. Keep in mind, your new manager is likely reading your profile and updates as well.

Observe and study how he or she interacts and reacts to colleagues, subordinates, and superiors. In a non-judgmental fashion look for consistencies and inconsistencies; check out what works and doesn’t work with the individual.

After you understand what your new boss wants to achieve and avoid, do something successful and worthwhile around it. Sticking to your old bosses agenda is a mistake. There is a new sheriff downtown. Do more than the person expects; demonstrate initiative without requiring further direction. Come in with, “This is what we should do and here’s how I think we should do it.” Don’t pester with, “Now what should I do?”

And, stay in touch with your old boss. If things don’t go well, he or she might be a source of good advice – or a resource for ways to get out.

You might ask, “Isn’t it the boss’s job to get to know me?” Yes, it is. And he or she is getting to know you by how you get to know her.

photo credit: Esparta

Todays guest post is by my talented young friend Brett over at daretoexpress.com enjoy

The Struggle

Too often in our lives, we feel as though we are alone in a river,stuggling to make it upstream. We start to see everything as a struggle, and the world we live in appears to make that thought a reality. On some days, we feel like the world is truly against us. It fulfills Murphy’s famous law that states that, “Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong,” and it shows itself in many ways during our days.

Perhaps you spill your coffee on yourself in the morning.

Or you go to work, only to find every single one of your coworkers in a bad mood. Or you arrive late to a job interview. Or you have a terrible case of writer’s block.

Or you begin to suspect your friends’ loyalty to you.

If we perceive anything to be negative and affecting us, while not being in control of it, then we think the world’s against us. The lack of control we have over random, often what we perceive to be negative, events, lead us to adopt a mindset where the world, is our enemy. Thus, most things that happen in life appear to conspire against us.

What ends up happening is since we subconsciously “know” that the world is against us, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we think that the world is against us, it appears to be so because our mind pays attention to everything that makes sense to its existing belief structure. That is, when we believe that the world is against us, we only pick out and notice the things that make it seem like the world is, in fact, against us, when it really may not be.

The World Flows With You

You can disarm the belief that the world flows against you by replacing it with the opposite, much more beneficial belief: the world flows with you.

To manifest this belief takes no time at all: all you need to do is open your eyes. Just open your eyes to the way the world works, and choose to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. Decide to approach everything with the mindset of “the world flows with me” and life will take a turn for the better. I guarantee it.

You’ll eventually realize that, no matter what the world throws at you, you can roll with it. The world wouldn’t throw anything your way it knows you can’t handle. Want to know why? Because the world flows with you, not against you. It wants you to do well and be happy – if you choose to be.

You have to make the choice to surrender to the world and pick out the positives. Observe how the people who believe the world flows against them resist it incessantly by complaining. When you believe the world flows with you, you surrender because there’s no reason to resist something that is acting in your favor.

By implementing this simple change in thinking, your mind will always pick out the positives in situations, and minimize the negatives. You’ll feel much more empowered and be less stressed out. Suddenly,things that you were concerned about before the paradigm shift disappear, and life seems much better. You won’t have that sinking feeling in your stomach when you think things are going to go wrong.

Miss the bus? No worries. You can use that time to meditate or talk to some interesting person at the bus stop.

Friends stand you up? You can still go out and make new ones that will probably be cooler than them.

Someone reject you coldly? They obviously weren’t a good match for you if they would be callous like that.

And the list goes on and on in ways that you can observe that the world flows with you, even if you don’t think it does at the time. All you have to do is trust that the world will flow with you, and you’ll always see the positives in everything and everyone. You learn to roll with the punches, and after long enough, you don’t even feel them anymore. Life becomes an endless source of positivity to be savored – as it should be.

It’s just up to you to open your eyes – and your mind – to see it.

Brett Hagberg is a self-actualization blogger who regularly writes at Dare to Express about identity, self- actualization, productivity, health, and a host of other topics. You can follow him on twitter at @bretthimself.

Todays guest post is by my buddie Diggy over at Self Improvement

“Empty your mind.
Be formless, shapeless, like water.
If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup.
You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle.
You put it into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, and it can crash.
Be like water, my friend…” – Bruce Lee

This is the famous philosophy of the most famous martial artist in the world, Bruce Lee. According to him, there is no set technique, there is no fixed form or system that must be followed in combat. If the opponent expands,he contracts. If the opponent contracts, he expands.

Personally, I think Bruce Lee’s philosophy should be applied not just to martial arts, but to everything we do in life. There is no fixed way to live life. There is no set of rules to follow for a perfect life. It is not necessary to live life the exactly way that somebody tells us to.

“In Jeet Kune Do, it’s not how much you have learned, but how much you have absorbed from what you have learned. It is not how much fixed knowledge you can accumulate, but what you can apply livingly that counts. ‘Being’ is more valued than ‘doing’.”

Jeet Kune Do was Bruce Lee’s martial art. The above quote is the philosophy of Jeet Kune Do. It rejects all restrictions imposed by form and formality and emphasizes the clever use of the mind and body to defend and to attack.

The more rigid,fixed and set in your ways you are; the more vunerable you are to getting taken down or knocked out. Just like this applies to martial arts, this applies equally to life. If you are not flexible or unable to adapt to new situations, you get left behind.

” The only constant is change”

The first time I heard this, it didn’t make sense to me. After thinking about it a little more, it is the most true thing in the world. Everything constantly changes (although many principles remain the same). You start as a helpless little baby, grow into a child, then into a young adult, then an adult, and finally become old and finish your journey on this planet. Friends come and go, problems come and go, good times come and go.

There will be periods in your life that are really good and that you never want to end. Sometimes they do end. For some people this is detrimental, and they spend the rest of their lives living in a shadow of themselves because they cannot get over the fact that that good time ended.

Personally I have adopted the philosophy that everything is temporary. Every moment I do something, could be the last time that I do something. It gives a much greater appreciation for life. This way, I do (almost) everything with much greater passion and interest.

Of course there are things that I do not want to end. In fact there are things I will fight for to remain the same and do everything I can to keep them the way they are (things like friendships and family). Up until I have no control over it anymore.

“Accept the things you cannot change, and change the things you cannot accept.”

If something happens that you have absolutely no control over, and it cannot be changed, you have to make peace with it. There is no sense in wasting your life wishing it will change, or that you could go back in time. We make decisions and don’t look back. That is life. Be thankful for the times that we had what we wanted, and if the time has come for it to end, have a sense of peace about it.

When we accept what we cannot change, we are water. We take the shape of the container we are placed in. We adapt and are ready to live life in the best way we can position ourselves in. This may not always be what we want, but sometimes we cannot choose the container we are placed in.

As for things that we have the power to change, that is exactly what we must do. Even if it will take enormous amounts of hard work and effort, if we cannot accept it, then we must change it. This can be things like your financial independence, your friends, your girlfriend, your freedom. If you are in a situation that you are not happy with you need to do everything in your power to change it. Don’t give up until you get to where you want to be.
“Do not deny the classical approach, simply as a reaction, or you will have created another pattern and trapped yourself there.”

This is very important. In the self improvement and personal development niche, many people speak about breaking away from social conditioning. Freeing yourself from the 9-5 wage slave. The thing is, if you do this just because these people tell you to, then you are not changing at all. You are just changing masters, but you are still a slave.

The whole idea behind what we (bloggers about self improvement) write about, is to get you to be truly free. To think for yourself and find out what YOU want with your life. To find your passions and dreams, follow them, and turn them into reality.

Be formless…be water, my friend.

Have a Rockin’ day
Diggy

Today I have the great pleasure of Introducing you to my friend Bud over at aboundlessworld.com, where he simply wants to inspire you to live a boundless life.

Why did you start blogging?

I’ve always had a passion for writing and I felt a blog was a wonderful medium for me to express my desire for positive change. For the longest time I kept putting off starting a blog because I would allow a plethora of excuses stop me. It wasn’t until my best friend (http://www.aboundlessworld.com/losing-a-best-friend/) passed away that Ibegan questioning what it was I was doing with my life. Turning inward, I began to explore a a variety of different perspectives and immersed myself in a great deal of reading. After months of searching.. I knew I needed to start a blog.

What have you learned through blogging?

Wow. I don’t even know where to begin .A better question would be what haven’t I learned. In all seriousness blogging has taught me a great deal about not only myself but humanity as well. Although I’ve only been blogging for a year I’ve learned a life time of lessons. I’ve learned good things don’t come easy. I’ve learned if your passionate about something you need to go with it. I’ve learned that you people are going to try to tear you down but you just have to ignore them. I’ve learned there are a ton of wonderful people out there and I’m excited about your future. I learned that I don’t have all the answers. I’ve learned that I will always need to grow. I’ve learned how to communicate my ideas in a more efficient manner. And I’ve learned to be real.

You are a young wise man, do you hope to inspire others of the same age?

I put no age limit on those who I wish to inspire. While my message certainly won’t resonate with everyone, I feel that anyone who wishes to have a better life will benefit from what I have to say. Sometimes I write provocatively to encourage discussion, and other times I write to change the world. I don’t claim to have all the answers and I spend a great time exploring other belief systems and perspectives.

What is the greatest obstacle facing young adults? What advice would yougive them?

This is going to be short and simple. Too many people spend their life doing shit they hate, don’t be one of those people. Do what you love. It’s that simple.

You had the great fortune of living in other countries, can you tell us how living in China affected your personal growth? (what did you like/ not like about china) Living in China (http://www.aboundlessworld.com/5-extraordinary-benefits-of-living-in-shanghai/) helped me gain a more global perspective. Something I find extremely valuable to my growth as human being. Simply immersing yourself in other cultures does wonders for your soul. Far too many people are attached to their certain nationality and thus block themselves from truly connecting with humanity. In essence we are all one. I hope to travel more as I grow older and continue to connect with humanity at a global level.

Who are some of the people that inspire you, what have you learned from them?

Too be honest I’m inspired a lot of things. I’m most inspired when I live in the moment and appreciate the beauty of life ( http://www.aboundlessworld.com/finding-the-beauty-in-life/) I’m inspired by anyone who lives on their own terms and contributes value to humanity.

Some of my favorite bloggers are:

• www.pluginid.com
• www.naturalbias.com
• www.unleashreality.com
• www.upgradereality.com
• www.illuminatedmind.net

How do you see the world 10 years from now? How do you see yourself in it? What contributions do you plan on making?

It’s hard to say where I’ll be 10 years from now but I know it will be totally different from where I am today. If you were to tell me a year ago that I would still be running a popular personal development blog I wouldn’t have believed you. My blog is only the beginning of my journey. Over the next few years I hope to move into public speaking to help spread my message even more. I also hope to team up with some really stellar individuals and create an even larger vision. I can totally invision myself opening up “ABoundless World” school which helps teenagers create a lasting legacy.

What are the Top 5 books you would recommend to someone who wants to achieve their dreams?

Here’s my list:

• The Alchemist: Paulo Coelho
• The Psychology of Winning: Denis Waitley
• Johnathan Livingston Seagull: Richard Bach
• Crush It: Gary Vaynerchuck
• Personal Development For Smart People: Steve Pavlina

What’s your message to the world, how can we help you spread it?

Live through your heart. Change the world.

“Great minds have purposes, others have wishes.” Washington Irving

by my buddie Diggy over at upgradereality.com

We all have our habits that we have grown into or adopted from others, some of them good and some of them bad.

What I want you to do today is to take note of how many times you think or say the phrase “I wish…”.

I wish it was weekend.
I wish I had money to go on holiday.
I wish I had a girlfriend.
I wish I had more friends.
I wish I didn’t have to work this dumb job everyday.
I wish I could lose weight.

The list can go on, with almost every possible phrase inserted after the words “I wish…”

If you are like me or most people in this world, this habit is a nasty one. It causes you to spend all this emotional energy wishing for things to change, when you are going to do nothing about it and the chances are big that nothing is going to change to your wishes by itself..

How to swing this habit in your favour:

This habit is not as nasty as it seems, with a few small modifications as I am going to lay out for you, you can actually change this habit into a productivity machine, to help you achieve what you really want.

The next time you find yourself thinking or saying “I wish…” ask yourself the following questions:

1-) Is this thing that I am wishing for something that I really want?

2-) Is this thing I am wishing for possible to attain or do?

If your answer is no , then take it upon you to stop wishing for it. Just forget it and don’t spend any more time or energy thinking or wishing about it. For instance this would be something like wishing the past was different, or that you were some famous actor or rockstar just because they have a lot of money and attention while actually your passion is animals and helping under privilledged kids.

It can take a bit of practice before you are able to stop wishing for things that cannot be changed or things that you don’t really want. Studies have shown it takes 21 days to change or adopt a habit. After that it becomes automatic . Now you are free to use that extra time and energy, or those extra thoughts to focus on the things you really do want…which brings me to my next point:

If your answer to the above two questions was ‘Yes’:

If your answer was yes to the previous two questions, it means that you really have a desire for the thing you are wishing for, and it means that it is possible to achieve or attain this wish.

This could be for example wishing you are able to play guitar, or be able to advise people how to handle their finances, or be able to run a mile in under 5 minutes.

The only problem that you are still having, is that you are wishing for these things to take place, without actually taking action. Hoping that somehow magically, a genie will grant your wish and all of a sudden give you magic powers. pffft. “I wish”. hehe

Now that you are aware of your wishing, and the desire you have to achieve what you are wishing for, you need to take action. You need to formulate a plan how you are going to achieve your desires.

Some of these questions could possibly help you along:

What steps do I need to take to achieve my desires?

Which people have achieved what I want to achieve so I can study their ways?

Where can I take classes or lessons?

Do I need to move/get up earlier/get a different job/make new friends etc. in order to achieve my desires?

How much time do I need to dedicate to achieve my desires?

( Have you read The Art of 1 hour a Day?)

My personal example is the fact that when I started this blog and internet marketing, I used to wish a lot of the time that I had a pretty blog with lots of valuable content and thousands of subscribers. I used to wish for websites that would bring in hundreds of dollars a day on autopilot.

After a while I realised that I’m being dumb, because these things are not going to happen magically, there are no magic genies, and if I really want what I’m wishing for, I’m going to have to take action and work hard, which is exactly what I am doing.

Stop Wishing and Start DOING!

Have a Rockin’ day

Diggy

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” Bryant H. McGill

today’s post is by my buddie Sean over at themindsetapprentice.com

This past weekend I had the opportunity to see an old and very dear friend of mine whom I had an extreme falling out with many months ago. At the time I felt he had done something that was literally, an atrocity. What it was though is irrelevant for this article, as this is about forgiveness…

What I will tell you though so you can understand how hard it was to come to this place is that what I believed my friend had done is something I think very few could forgive another in their entire life time. In fact, many people would probably hold the anger about it until the day they die.

Now that’s not an ego identified realization where I think I’m some kind of holy Buddha who has super powers. Not at all. On the contrary, I believe anyone can develop the power of forgiveness if only they choose to have the desire.

We have a choice in how we experience everything in life.

While I originally wrote my thoughts and feelings about this experience in my personal journal, I felt it was a vital experience to share for the benefit of others.

If this story can inspire just one person and help them receive the gift of complete forgiveness for another, then my job is complete.

Here’s the story:

Months ago my friend supposedly (with loads of evidence against him) did something that in most people’s minds was unforgivable.

When it happened I developed a lot of anger about what happened. It was as if the walls of trust came crumbling down for me. I was confused, and felt betrayed.

For the past few months I have been involved with a certain community of people that was very closely tied to my old friend. I would constantly be meeting people of whom I had known through him or knew were part of both our similar ‘communities.’

I had imagined several times over the months that one of these times I would be surprised and run into him at one of our gatherings. The very thought was dreadful.

Each time I thought of it I envisioned myself looking at him with a bulls eye and saying, “What are you doing here?” with a vicious tone.

In all the scenes, the people around us noticed and knew there was something up. My ego wanted them to know about my old friend and ‘see him for what I felt he really was.‘ I wanted him exposed.

When I found out he was going to be around one of these gatherings, my heart stopped. I felt that wave of chemicals go through my body that paralyzed any and all positive vibrations I had just moments before.

Despite the vision I had of expressing my anger, I knew in my heart it was time….

It was time to forgive.

It was time to let go.

How I would do that exactly? I had no idea.

See, the thing is, over the months, there were many occasions where I said to myself, “Okay I forgive him…” and in that moment I TRULY felt I had forgiven him…

Yet the next time I’d hear or see his name, that anger and feeling of disgust would rise again.

With just two nights away before I would see my old friend, I began a stream of consciousness affirmation in my journal just before sleeping. I sat down, closed my eyes, and began by writing out everything I was grateful for. Once I found myself in a positive vibration, I immediately began writing my gratitude for things which had not yet come to pass: such as the experience of forgiving my friend, and the liberation it provided me.

During this process I also wrote release statements for the negativity I felt towards my old friend, as well as statements on what I would like to experience.

When I woke up the morning of the gathering, I was genuinely looking forward to seeing him. It was a strange experience I hadn’t known before.

As the time was approaching in the afternoon that I’d see him, I felt a little nervous.

Suddenly, as I was walking through the building, I saw him walking towards me from the other direction, and we caught eyes.

“Hey..…” I said

“Hey Sean,” he said coldly as he continued to walk … clearly not about to stop to shake hands, hug, or engage in any further conversation.

Ignoring the shortness, I stuck out my hand to shake and said, “It’s great to see you.”

“You too,” he said quickly shaking my hand as he walked by to the staircase.

Since he was headed in the same direction I had to go, I followed.

For a moment, there was silence as we walked.

An awkward silence.

As we walked we engaged in brief small talk that I initiated. Each response by him however was short and pointed.

Still, I didn’t let it phase me. I refused to turn it into a negative experience. So I stuck around.

As I continued to ask questions and show my sincere interest, he seemed to open up more. And over the next hour he definitely began to respond more positively and open up in a very subtle way.

While he was preparing for the gathering, he asked me if I would go to his car and grab something for him: it was at this moment it was clear I made a break through with him.

Soon he was asking for some more help, demonstrating his efforts as well. Finally we were exchanging smiles and positive energy as if not a day went by and nothing negative had ever happened. It was liberating.

After a couple hours, I once again felt proud to know and be friends with this person. It was at this moment I fully realized, rather than simply just ‘knowing,’ that there is more to a man than what he does.

Who we are deep down is so much more than our daily actions.

People say that your actions demonstrate exactly who you are. I believe that’s true on a surface level. They do speak to who you are. But still, there’s so much more beneath. There are people who do bad things, when really they are such loving people beneath.

I’m not excusing by friend for what he did many months ago by any means by the way. Just simply acknowledging that he is more than those actions. We all make mistakes. Sometimes pretty big ones.

And besides, in the end…I will never TRULY know for sure if what I believed he did happened for sure or not. I fully trusted him, and he said he didn’t do it. But I also fully trusted another friend, who said he did do it. And the evidence truly was stacked against him.

Regardless though, it was time to forgive and let go.

Despite my friend and I having opened up, I knew in my heart that before he left, something had to be said. It had to be brought out into the open.

As he was leaving I told him I would walk him out.

…And as we were walking I asked him if I could have a moment.

“Sure,” he said.

“I want you to know that you’re one of the best things that ever happened to me. I learned so much through our friendship and for that I will be forever grateful. I am so sorry for what happened between us. It was such a hard time. I was so angry and hurt…but I’m just so sorry for what happened and am so sorry for any pain I caused you. I hope you can forgive me.”

“I forgive you Sean. And, I’m sorry too.”

I was nearly in tears.

After we embraced, I felt liberated, and as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

He did mention at one point that I still didn’t know what really happened those many months ago and what his side was. I simply nodded my head and said “I know,” as it’s not something that needed to be engaged in.

He again made another comment that what I thought had happened didn’t really happen.

I don’t know if that’s the truth or not. I would like to believe it is…and there is a part of me that would like to know…but the compulsive desire to know for sure I once had has died out now. I just don’t feel that need to know anymore. To me, it’s in the past and doesn’t matter one iota.

Before my friend left, I told him I hoped our paths would cross again many times in the future soon. We hugged and said our goodbyes.

Overall, it was truly an extremely liberating experience. Not just that I was able to forgive him…but that it was reciprocated. I was able to give love and compassion, and my friend was able to give love and compassion back. We were in harmony once again. I could feel that love and caring.

All this occurred simply out of the desire for forgiveness.

You see, unless we create the desire, we will never own it. We can say we forgive, but do we really? Forgiveness is not a sentence. It’s not merely a word. It’s an entire state of being and release of energy.

So next time you feel a grudge…Next time you feel pain and anger towards something someone did, remember that forgiveness isn’t just for the other person. It’s for you.

Thank God for Forgiveness.